Women and Romance

Women and Romance

Why does the heart of a woman long for romance? I believe that God made our hearts that way. In the 5th chapter of Ephesians men are commanded to love their wives and wives are commanded to respect or revere their husbands. People sometimes question that passage, "Do women not need to love their husbands and do husbands not need to respect their wives?" I don’t think it works that way. As a friend recently pointed out to me, men need respect and women need love, yet those are not the attributes that the other gender is automatically equipped to give. Men don’t tend to automatically show love in the way a woman’s heart yearns for and women don’t tend to recognize the importance that their man regularly feels their respect and admiration. When this insight was shared with me, it was like a lantern had come on. Women are commanded to respect and men are commanded to love because that doesn’t generally come naturally to them in a relationship. Of course, how could I have missed that insight? Because, I’m just not that insightful!

It seems like a bit of a conundrum but in a Christ-centered marriage, hopefully, the proper balance can be obtained. It just doesn’t hurt for each spouse to be daily aware of their husband or wife’s heart-needs. How would my husband walk on air if I daily reminded myself that he needs to know that I respect him as a man, that I regard him as our family’s hero? How would my heart flutter and rose petals fall from the sky if daily my husband reminded me that I was the apple of his eye, that I am the sweetest and cutest woman in his world and that he longs for me? Because we are human, it doesn’t always happen. But, because Christ is in our marriage, hopefully it will happen often enough to buoy us through our life together.

When Christ is able to break through the shell of selfishness and sin that can so easily surround my heart, I will remember to pray for my husband, I will remember to care for his needs and I will remember not to worry about whether or not it’s reciprocated. If I care for my husband the way Christ wants me to, it will be reciprocated in a way I could not fathom and I will not have to nag, or cajole, or "tell" God to make sure my husband knows what I need! How can I be so short sighted as to feel the need to "tell" God what I need in the same manner that I might "tell" my children to behave and to finish their chores!

There are, of course, stumbling blocks even in the most Christ-like marriages. So often we think our marriage should be perfect. Doesn’t everyone else’s Christian marriage seem perfect? Yep, because we don’t talk about it. I’m not saying we should talk about it openly. But, if a very special close friend shared, every once in a while, that their present reality is falling short of their wedding day expectations wouldn’t it be refreshing!
Sometimes it’s good to know that we’re normal if we hit a dry spell in our marriage fantasy. Does it seem like everyone else is having a fair- tale-like union, but lately your marriage has been a collage of day to day mundane tasks and the most intimate conversation shared has been about indigestion? You know what, that’s ok! It does not mean that your marriage and your love life are doomed! If you were close enough to all those seemingly perfect couples to know the truth, you’d know they have the same thoughts and trials. All I need to know, sometimes, is that I’m ok, my husband’s ok. No details necessary, but our bad days are normal.

Sometimes daily life is boring. Sometimes we talk to our preschoolers more than we talk to our spouse. Sometimes greeting our husband at the door with a smile seems more of a feat than hiking to Timbuktu or even just taking the time to find it on a map. That’s ok, as long as you listen to Christ in your heart and realize this spouse He gave you is the most precious gift He’s given you since Calvary. And it’s ok, as long as the day comes when you remind each other of that fact. This week may be the most boring, mundane, chore filled week since your honeymoon, but Christ will lead you back to each other. The best way to begin that journey is to take the first step towards that spouse of yours and tell them first that you think the world of them. Not always easy, but it will feel so good for you and for them! And then, stand back with that vase handy, because rose petals may just start to fall from the sky!