Romantic cholesterol

Romantic Cholesterol

Ladies, hold on to your hats because I’m going to write something that I think will cause many women to flip their lids…

"I think romance is bad for us!"

What?????? Didn’t I just write that we were made to yearn for romance? Well, yes. So, let me say, I think fictional romance can be bad for us. What??? Many of you are clutching your favorite book or movie to your chest right now and saying, "This lady’s cracked"! I know, I know, I love a good romantic story as well as any of you!

In fact, I well remember being little and watching the TV version of, "Little House on the Prairie", when Almanzo finally made his appearance on the show. I would giggle so hard and hide my head in a blanket! I was young enough to be completely embarrassed, but gosh darn it…I loved it! My two favorite novels of all time are "Pride and Prejudice" and "Jane Eyre", what’s more romantic than those two stories? And, I love a good romantic movie. Did any of you see, "The Lake House"? Sweet story and very romantic. There's an old black and white movie called, "The More the Merrier" that I adore and is totally romantic! Who has the Masterpiece Theatre version of P&P, starring Colin Firth and …that English girl, memorized? I do! So, yes, we love romance. I love romance! But, just like I love chocolate mousse royale ice cream, it’s not necessarily good for me!

What am I getting at? Well, fictional romance could be like romantic cholesterol for our woman’s heart just like ice cream contains real cholesterol for our real heart. Not bad in and of itself, but get too much of it and healthy pathways begin to get clogged. If those arteries are already beginning to get clogged, it doesn’t take much more to complete the job! We yearn for romance, we love it, it’s so fun to watch and read, and better yet to be a part of it. But, fiction is fiction…it’s not real! Even watching Laura Ingalls and Almanzo Wilder fall for each other, was fiction. The writers toyed with the true details to make it more fun to watch on TV. And, it was fun! But has anyone out there ever been single and trying to find a Mr. Darcy to sweep them off their feet? Or looked around for a tortured soul like Edward Rochester so they could break through and heal his heart like Jane Eyre did? There’s no such think as a Mr. Darcy; Jane Austen made him up. And, tortured souls like Edward Rochester’s don’t usually thaw well in reality. But soak yourself in fictional romance for too long, and that’s what you’ll want in true life. Only, true life isn’t fiction and real men aren’t Tarzan. (They tend to wear more clothes.)

I find that romantic novels and romantic movies appeal to me most when I’m struggling with my own self image, or when, perhaps, I’m struggling with my husband, or daily life. Their appeal is strongest when I'm feeling unappreciated, when things are a bit foggy or cloudy, not daisies and sunshine. I am drawn to their escapism. The danger in that is that the fiction presented can work in a weakened or saddened heart and we start to compare our lives to the lives of the heroines, our husbands to the heroes, our peck on the cheek to their longing gazes and wind-swept embraces. Fiction can make us highly dissatisfied with our present reality and that’s dangerous.
Feeling down about yourself? Don’t read a book about a heroine who’s the sunshine of life, lovely and perfect and perfectly appealing. In "A Tale of Two Cities" Lucie is referred to as "The Golden Thread". I’m pretty sure no one would ever refer to me in that heroic of a manner. Lovely, compassionate, the golden thread tying their lives together. Hmm, yep, probably not me! Two men in love with her and one going to the guillotine to protect her. Gaspingly romantic...thank goodness not me!!!!

Has your husband recently fought any duels to win you? Has he had to climb any tall towers, preferably fiery flaming towers, to rescue you, or forged any raging rivers with you clasped tightly in his arms? Yeah, probably not! The last time you cooked dinner together was there an orchestra playing some ravishingly beautiful music in the background that caused you to abandon the fricassee and dance lovingly across the living room in an impromptu waltz...or tango? Have you and he lately exchanged any stirring and longing glances across a crowded room only to be swept away from each other by a maddeningly large crowd? I just can’t remember the last time any of that happened to us. But, I do remember last week when I nearly cut off the tip of my little finger and my husband scoured the cabinets for the last remaining Band-Aid that hadn’t fallen prey to make-believe toddler owies. I remember he took over bedtime so I could go lay down with my aching and bleeding finger wrapped in a kitchen towel.

In chapter 49 of "Emma" Mr. Knightly tells Emma, "I have blamed you, and lectured you, and you have borne is as no other woman in England would have borne it." What have I borne, lately, for the sake of my husband? I recently told him, very calmly on the outside but quite snappish on the inside, that he only paid attention to me lately when he was angry with me. Not exactly true. Not to mention that I'm sure there are plenty of women, in England and elsewhere, who would have found a much gentler and kinder way to simply tell their husband that they wanted to spend a little time with him. Not quite the picture of a ravishing romantic heroine. I didn’t even have a ribbon in my hair!

Yes, romance is wonderful. But, we should look hard to find the little places in true life where it sometimes hides. And if we’re having trouble wanting to be the blushing damsel for the heroic accountant, teacher, or carpenter who walks in the door every evening, we really should be careful about filling our minds too full of the fiction which we so often believe should be our daily lives. In "The Last of the Mohicans" Hawkeye tells Cora, "You be strong, you survive…No matter how long it takes, no matter how far, I will find you" and then jumps through a waterfall. My husband doesn’t have to look too hard to find me; I’m usually in the kitchen. And sometimes I’m cooking the oatmeal, which is much better for our cholesterol than the Gianduia Cheesecake that I’m actually dying to make. Maybe tonight, after he’s leapt through the waterfalls of boring meetings and rush hour traffic and after I’ve attempted and failed to scale the towers of laundry and clutter, we can sit down together and indulge in a little bit of quiet together time and chocolate ice cream. I love that time of day. Roll credits…play musical score…don’t step on the popcorn…and don’t wake the baby! Aren't we living our happily ever after? Remember, that always comes after the romance.